


Eddie 2.0

by YouCouldHaveMine (Original_Cypher)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Character development spoilers for beginning of s3 and 3x18, Even with that idea I hadn't expected to write this much fluff, M/M, Post Season 3, woah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28823544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Original_Cypher/pseuds/YouCouldHaveMine
Summary: Post s3A revelation about Buck haunts Eddie, to the point that he decides to do something drastic: use his words.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 379





	Eddie 2.0

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitchlips](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchlips/gifts).



> For the Georgia to my Karen. I hope this improves your day. <3
> 
> This fic now only has one recipient now because apparently you can turn down a gift. That'll teach me, I guess.

It was an idle moment at the station. Things had luckily been quiet for over an hour. Some of the members of the crew were technically off, but around, currently busying themselves with training, paperwork, and generally not being ‘on call’. Namely, Chim and Buck, whose playful ribbing in the gym had subsided barely minutes prior.

Eddie lost another life on his stupid phone game and stiffled a yawn, weighing the effort of getting up and making himself a coffee against the probability of being interrupted by a bell. Nearby, Maddie cooed over Hen’s folder of pics of her kids, while Hen cooed over her now impressive belly size. By the looks of it, Bobby was, in all seriousness, _reading_ a cookbook with a half smile on his lips.

It was during this moment, when time seemed to stretch and its passing to lose meaning, that Hen perked up, a faint frown on her face, as the background music switched to a new song. It wasn’t recognizable to Eddie so far but, rendered curious by Hen’s reaction, he paid closer attention. After a few bars of music and whistling, a female voice started singing. _Beware the danger, it lurks for those who get swept away,_ it said. _The dreamers get punished most by the truth they say. It's all in the little ways one reveals their love's gone away. Love's gone away._ “ _Vanessa Carlton_ ’s on the playlist, now?” Hen asked no one in particular. “Who-...?”

She trailed off when someone became audible from below them. Buck came into view, hopping over to a bench, and balanced a foot on it to re-tie one of his shoes. He had on loose, long shorts and a tank top two sizes two large, his usual getup for a run. And he was singing along easily, clearly familiar with the lyrics. Under everyone’s amused eyes, Chim came into view, in an outfit that did not scream ‘frat bro’ quite as loud as Buck’s. He smirked up at Hen. “Maybe the guy who’s singing along to all the lyrics?” he suggested.

Hen made a disapproving noise.

Instead of wording a reply, Buck kept on singing quietly. “ _The dogs run down the beach, and all I'm left with is sand in my shoes. Sand in my shoes…_ ” He flipped Hen and Chim a simultaneous bird, which made Bobby cluck his tongue, then he sang full volume for a few bards. “ _'Cause fools like me... Oh we love blindly. And the cracks don't count, it's gotta break in front of me…_ ” To give credit where credit was due, he had pointed his thumbs at himself and executed a turn to start jogging off with perfect timing with the song and surprising grace. Chim had to scramble to catch up while the rest of them laughed.

“And off they go,” Maddie narrated. “The ones I came to visit.”

“ _Ouch_ ,” Hen protested.

_Words you could never say. They hold the loudest tones_

Eddie stayed distracted, half listening to the song, staring off in the vague direction their friends had gone for a quick three mile lap. Maybe he was overthinking it. The song was catchy, after all, its beat deceptively cheerful. But maybe that was exactly the thing. So was Buck. ‘Deceptively cheerful’ was an uncomfortably accurate two word summary of the man. Just like Eddie’s facade was ‘stoic’, ‘bullheaded’. Buck would bring cheer and enthusiasm to every circumstance, and turn it up a notch to conceal how not okay he sometimes was.

_Tick-tock the time, distant look grows in your eyes. And fools never ask, afraid what lurks in your eyes._

Also, a nagging voice at the back of Eddie’s mind pointed out, Buck had a tendency to call himself a fool, in hindsight, especially in love.

“You know,” Maddie said, and Eddie was startled to find she'd moved to join him on the bench. He must have zoned out again. Perhaps he needed that nap after all. “You guys poked fun at Buck because he said he'd never take off a medal if he got awarded one. But, I’ve gained some insight, recently.” She made a face, a faint blush sweeping across her cheeks. “And boy, if it's not cringey to realize you've been dating a man who's a lot like your brother, I don’t know what is. But… screw it. I do love them both.” Eddie and Bobby exchanged a smile. Maddie’s eyes went a little downcast **.** “They have a lot in common, Chim and Evan.”

Eddie frowned. Granted, they had more than enough common interests to be friends, but he felt like Chim and Buck were fairly different people. Thus, he was pretty sure he was missing her point. “How do you mean?”

“Insecurities,” Bobby said softly, leaving his dish drying unfinished to come sit with them.

Maddie gestured at him. “Yes!”

“What??” Eddie stared. “Buck loves to brag.”

She gave him a look that made him feel like what he’d just said was not the counter argument he’d thought he’d brought up. “And what does that tell you?”

Eddie opened his mouth, pausing for a beat to find his wording. “...that he damn well knows he has stuff to brag about.”

Maddie made a negative buzzer sound at him, which they were used to hearing from Buck. Bobby pressed his lips together to keep from grinning at the family quirk. Eddie stayed silent, shaking his head at her as if to say ‘you’re gonna have to spell it out for me, cause I don’t get it’. Here it was again. Her sad little smile. _That_ also reminded Eddie of Buck.

“It tells you they're scared,” Maddie said. “They shove what they think are their successes or their best traits in your face. It's like they keep saying _‘Please, love me. See me. Like me. Notice me.’_ ”

“ _‘Don’t leave,’_ ” Bobby surmises. Maddie nodded, a bittersweet twist to her lips. 

That… made a lot of sense, now that Eddie was contemplating the idea. Chim was a guy who had a lot to offer, but who sometimes didn’t seem to think so. It was strange to reconcile the outgoing, friendly and flirty Buck with the same concept, but it fit. And lately, after all that had happened in the past six months, Buck had seemed more sensitive to certain topics. He’d reclassified his single status as ‘lonely’, for example, which he’d never claimed to be until recently as far as Eddie was aware. Realizing most of his friend group was composed of his teammates had made him latch onto other possibilities like Josh or Red, in case he… was left behind again. “Shit.”

Maddie sighed. “Recently, Evan's told me he feels like everyone’s always leaving him. He said _‘watching someone you love walk away’_.”

Eddie ground his jaw down on the urge to make a disapproving noise at that. He hadn’t met Abby until recently, but, having been Buck’s friend through the absolute number she’d done on his self esteem and confidence had earned her animosity from the start. And, popping back in with a whole new family and life and… what? Asking Buck to meet her so she could explain all about herself and not even bother acknowledging she did him dirty by leaving him waiting for news, or a breakup, or a reason, and… no apology? Even now? That had hurt Buck all over again, in a different way. He wasn’t heartbroken anymore. She’d stabbed him straight in the self worth. It had taken days for the team’s insistence that he _had_ deserved better and _she_ was the bad guy here, to fully sink in and be accepted by Buck. Because you don’t choose what happens to your heart, but you choose how you act towards other people, and she had not handled that well. She was _way_ too old for ghosting, and _he_ deserved much better. Screw her. It made Eddie boil, now, to understand the scope of how much that had fucked with Buck.

And the team, too, he thought bitterly. They’d played a part in him feeling this way.

Maddie’s fingers brushed his wrist. “He meant me, too,” she continued, probably aware of where Eddie’s mind had gone. “I never realized how much that affected him. How much... How much he feels like he's not enough. Like he's not worth staying for.”

“And he feels like we also did that to him,” Bobby said, looking down at his own hands. “And it’s my fault.”

“Not just,” Eddie countered. “We were all... we were all trying hard to do the job without him. I know he felt sidelined. I didn’t get it at the time.” Buck hadn’t been there to hear them talk about how much he was missed, but they’d all assumed that he knew. 

**“** He didn't feel sidelined,” Maddie said softly. “He felt _replaced_. Like you were moving on just fine without him. And he keeps... seeing that pattern in his life.”

“But it's not what's happening.” There was a helpless sort of panic fluttering in Eddie’s chest. The idea of feeling that way was very upsetting, and he felt a violent urge to protect Buck from experiencing any of it.

“It's not,” she agreed. “But it's his perception that it is. And it just reinforces the fear. The doubts.” She pressed her lips together. “My brother... He either closes himself off and only-... He called that Buck 1.0. He doesn't let himself get to know people. Because he knows the _real_ Buck gets attached. And fast. And real deep.” She left the rest silent, but it was heard all the same. It hung around them from the rest of the conversation, and the realisations that came with it. Buck got attached. And then he got left behind. Alone and mourning. And, most of the times that Eddie could think of, hanging on to the uncertain possibility that things might change back.

It was a bitter hush that stretched on for a moment. Bobby was the one who broke it, his voice forlorn, but determined. “Well. He got us back,” he stated. “And he knows he love him.”

“Does he?” Maddie mused, looking out towards where Buck and Chim had last been seen. “Does he, really? Or does he think he managed to worm his way back in, and is simply being tolerated, for now?” 

°~¤~°

Buck looked taken aback but pleased, when he peeked around his front door to find Eddie. Given the late hour, it was unsurprising to find him in his usual post shower lounge wear -- later, he would remove the sweats and sleep in that shirt, Eddie knew. His hair, almost dry now, had curled freely. It flopped loosely on Buck’s head, giving him a soft, cozy feel that few people got to witness. Buck’s eyes did a quick, worried lookover of Eddie, before searching his face. His hand loosened around the damp dish towel he’d been clutching when he didn’t find any cause for alarm.

Right. Perhaps Eddie should have called.

Buck started to gesture, opened his mouth to say something. “I need you to know that I love you,” Eddie blurted out, cutting him off. The towel hit the floor with a dull thwap. Buck blinked, then closed his mouth.

Eddie wished for lightning to strike him. 

“Uh…” Buck picked up the towel with fumbling hands, chuckling awkwardly. “Way to blindside a guy.” He stepped back, gesturing Eddie inside with a flick of the fabric. “Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, mind you."

Their eyes met once the door was closed. Buck’s eyebrows were high and amused, eyes glinting. Eddie laughed at himself, rubbing at his forehead. “Right, yeah.” They shuffled further into the apartment. Eddie looked at his hands. “I’m, uh… trying to do a Buck thing, here.”

“A _what_?”

Eddie met Buck’s eyes. “You... you're not the best with words, but you... you're brave,” he said. “You _try_ . You _say_ shit. You own up to shit and I…” He exhaled. “I'm trying to do the same here.”

Buck nodded in understanding. “Okay.” He absently discarded the dishrag on his way to the living area, and sat, gesturing for Eddie to join him on the couch.

Right. Undivided attention. Okay. Words. “I’m sorry.”

Buck blinked. “What?”

“I'm sorry you felt like we were moving on without you.”

“Eddie-...”

“Shut up,” Eddie held up a finger, at which Buck gave him some major eyebrows, then he pointed back to himself. “Eddie 2.0 is trying to make a point here.”

Buck snorted in amusement, but he nodded. He shifted and leaned his side against the back of the couch, listening.

“I'm sorry I was a dumbass. That instead of trying to understand, I got mad.” He saw in the widening of Buck’s eyes, the moment it dawned exactly how much Eddie wanted to put on the table. “That instead of trying to figure out why I was so angry, I decided to shut you out. I was so angry, Buck, because _I missed you_.” He paused and held Buck’s gaze. He wasn’t much for talking about his feelings. But ripping the bandaid off with _love_ kind of said it all. And he’d come here with a purpose: conveying a message. Leaving no doubt. “We all missed you. And I hated struggling with the reflex to call you when I wanted to chat or hang or do something with Chris on a day off or ask you how to bake a stupid cake.” He took a breath. “I wasn’t doing well. I was drowning. I didn’t want to see that. I didn’t have you to call me out on it. I just…” He licked his lips. “I hated realising how much I rely on you. And how huge a hole you left in my life when you were gone. So. Yeah. I came over to make sure that _you know_ _that_.” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “ _Fuck_ , Buck… You’re a huge part of Chris’ life. And of mine.”

He let the silence hang for a beat, letting his words sink in for the both of them. Buck looked somewhat shellshocked. Eddie shrugged a shoulder and gave him a shaky smile. “So. Yeah,” he admitted. “I love you. Chris loves you.” He reached over and pressed the pad of his thumb to the flesh of Buck’s forearm, for emphasis, as an excuse to underline his words with physical contact. “And I’m pretty sure there’s a bunch of people we know that would say the same.” 

Buck stared back for a beat. When it became apparent that Eddie’s tirade was done, he broke from the shocked stillness he’d been frozen in. He let out a shuddering breath, swallowed thickly and sniffed. He looked like he was about to speak several times, before he finally did. “I love you, too,” he said, sounding more than a little stunned. "Sorry, I just can't find anything else to say to that,” he admitted. And as he blinked, a tear fell from his lashes. He chuckled, pawing at his face.

Eddie huffed and pulled him into a hug. Buck’s arms wrapped around him readily, clinging while he pulled himself together. He let out a curse that was several vowels too long. “ _Fuuuck…_ .” Buck mumbled, then laughed wetly. “Eddie 2.0 is _lethal_.”

Eddie couldn’t help his own giggle. They were both emotional messes at the moment. He gave Buck a tighter squeeze, which Buck returned. Eventually, he cleared his throat and pulled back. “Uh, let’s uh… let’s pretend it just rained on my face and uh…” he slid forward on the couch like he was about to stand up. “you need to go home?”

Eddie shrugged. Chris was sleeping over at Hen’s tonight. All he had to go home to was a dark and empty apartment. “Eh. Got some time.”

Buck dabbed the heel of his hand to his eye one last time, then his lips curled into a mischievous smile. He jerked his chin towards the tv. “Want a rematch?” He glanced towards the kitchen. “I’d just put the kettle on when you got here. Want some tea? There’s beer, too.”

“Tea sounds nice.” Tea meant Buck was feeling cosy, looking forward to a quiet, comfy evening rather than raucous fun, Eddie knew. “How about a movie, instead?” he counter-offered as he followed Buck to the kitchen. “Or that show you swear I _have_ to watch.”

“Oh. _Yeah_.” Buck left him to pick their mugs while he flicked the kettle back on and grabbed the teapot. “I can’t believe you haven’t seen Dead Like Me.”

Eddie made a face, just for the sake of banter. “Sounds depressing.”

“It’s _hilarious_. Choose.” He held up two kinds of tea. “You’re gonna love it.”

Naturally, Buck had been right.

They spent a long time putting on _one last episode_. Eddie kept an eye on Buck throughout the night. He’d dropped quite the bombshell and it had lasting effects. Buck appeared emotionally raw for several hours. On several occasions, Eddie wondered whether he was watching or just staring blankly at the screen, lost in thought. He would be back to normal by the morning, but tonight, he was processing. Maddie had been right: the message had been needed, if it took Buck for such a loop. But it looked like a good one, Eddie decided. Buck’s lips stayed stretched in a distracted little half smile all night, and it had very little to do with how funny the show turned out to be.

  
  


*

* *

*

  
  


Eddie glanced around in a way he thought to be subtil until he found Buck’s gaze. The man was biting down on a smile, eyes glinting at him in amusement. So. He was busted. “Shut up.”

Naturally, this made Buck laugh. Chim shot them a weird look. 

Eddie pleaded for his stomach to please stop growling. He was already good for some ribbing from Buck, but if it carried on much longer, the man would start needling him about whether he was eating breakfast and taking care of himself properly and showing up with groceries again with the argument that _he_ did not have to supervise homework so he had time to help out. While he was cursing himself and wondering how people managed to _adult_ properly, a protein bar appeared in his line of sight. Of course, it was being held out by Buck, who wore a gentle smile, infuriatingly keen eyes and knowing eyebrows.

 _Dammit_.

Eddie groaned. Feeling himself flush with embarrassment at how much relief and want must have just flashed across his face, he made a grab for the food and looked away. “Thank you.”

When he looked back, Buck was calmly looking out at the passing scenery with a serene half smile on his face.

“Alright, we’re getting there,” Bobby called. Eddie shoved the snack in his mouth and hurried to chew while the Captain gave them the usual run down. “Kenneth Jackson, 62. Buried under kitchen cabinets. Head Wound. Various cuts and nicks from crockery. His wife tells us that none seem to be too deep or bleed too badly.” They all nodded along. “However, the head injury is becoming a worry. While he seemed fine at first, and remains conscious so far, he’s started to show signs of aphasia during the call with dispatch.”

“Increased intracranial pressure from some kind of subdural hematoma,” Chim hypothesized.

“Most likely, yes.” Eddie winced. Those ranged from ‘critical emergency that treats well and heals quickly’ to ‘permanent brain damage’ to ‘rapidly fatal’. 

“He doesn’t appear to have trouble breathing so far or experience too much pain, so we’ve instructed them to leave everything as is, in case something changes when we move the debris.” The engine made a turn in what looked to be a dead end street.

“Woah...”

It turned out, in fact, to be the path to the circular driveway of a gorgeous mansion that had been, up until they nearly got to the front door, hidden from view. Money _and_ privacy. So, money money money. Someone whistled. Eddie privately joined in the sentiment.

Though no one was there to greet them, the double front doors had been left wide open, presumably for them. “His wife, Barbara says to go straight on from the front door, and go left when we hit a hallway. Kitchen’s easy to find.” Whether it was on the dispatcher’s instruction or someone’s quick thinking, Eddie could see, as they jumped from the truck and grabbed gear, someone had also carelessly shoved a table out of the way to allow space for a stretcher.

Catching sight of Buck schooling himself from an amused grin to a professional focus, Eddie had one last stray thought, wondering what that was about. And then, they went in.

Everything was a blur, as it often was when the time pressure was strong. In the end, everyone seemed optimistic that Mr Jackson would make a full recovery when they handed him over to the ER staff. Barbara’s grip on Eddie’s hand was surprisingly strong and painful when she hurriedly thanked him, urging him to pass it on, before rushing in after her husband.

They were all silent on the ride home, basking in the win. Quickly, though, Eddie spotted the gleeful smirk from earlier returning to Buck’s lips. Soon, he was laughing to himself.

“Alright, what?” Eddie toed at Buck’s shoe. “ _What_.”

Buck looked back at all of them, incredulous. “What? _Seriously?_ We just met Ken and Barbie and I’m the only one who’s amused by this?”

Chim snorted, Hen shook her head to hide her smile. Bobby just laughed. It was heard to tell whether it was _at_ Buck. Eddie tightened his grip on his hold as they were shaken through a bunch of speed bumps. He caught Buck’s knee between his, mostly to prevent them from painfully colliding into each other again, but also to get his attention. “It was quite the Dream House,” he conceded.

Buck beamed at him. “ _Thank you_.”

°~¤~°

Eddie absently listened to Buck tell a story about hearing fetal heartbeat, too busy digging into his food. He ate ravenously, as he was wont to do when he let himself run out of grown up breakfast food. Chris, however, listened avidly while flipping through pictures of Maddie’s latest sonogram on Buck’s phone. “I was this small, too?”

“Yep,” Buck chirped, eyes on his plate where he was cutting his steak in neat strips. “This small and this weird looking.”

Chris giggled. “I wanna be an uncle, too!”

Carla cooed, at that. Eddie melted entirely. “Why don’t you be a super cool big cousin, first?” Maddie suggested. Chris stared at her. “This baby’s not going to be much fun for you at the beginning but after a while you could have some pretty cool adventures together.”

“Dad, can I?”

“Sure, mijo. I bet you’d be a great mentor.”

“But, hey…” Buck pulled Chris’ focus back to him. “Baby’s not even here yet, so we’re all gonna have to be patient for that. Someday, you two can make the biggest sandcastle ever. But not right away.” Sandcastles. The latest obsession. Eddie almost glared at Buck bringing it up, because he was now expecting to hear more pleas to go to the beach again.

“I know.” On the bright side, even though Chris didn’t seem too big on going _in_ the sea anymore, it showed that he was doing okay with being near it. Eddie knew even Buck wasn’t quite relaxed there, yet.

“By then,” Buck lifted the plate in front of him to slide the one in front of Chris in its place, before giving Chris the cut food. It explained the suspicious presence of mushrooms on one of those plates, then. It had been _Buck’s_ all along. Chris leaned against Buck’s side briefly as a wordless thanks. The man beamed and ruffled his hair, chatting all the while. Like this was a common occurrence. Like this wasn’t _huge_ . “you’ll be such a pro, maybe you can make _me_ a sand castle.”

“You don’t like castles,” Chris pointed out, grabbing his fork. 

“That’s right.” Buck started eating. “Maybe a sand house, then.” Eddie blinked. How often did Buck do this?

“Can we have a sand fort?”

Buck eyed Chris curiously. “Like our blanket fort?” Chris nodded. “Hell yeah.” They both cheered and high fived, earning themselves fond looks and eyerolls from the rest of the crowd. We have a plan, then.” He turned to Eddie, beaming, then frowned. “You okay?”

“Hm?” Eddie nodded, swallowing hastily. “Thinking about more sand between everyone’s toes,” he covered.

Buck dimpled at him, and Eddie felt a shoe tap his own.

It would be alright. And perhaps, the next time they were at the beach, it’d be the three of them. And Eddie could take a damn nap while Buck kept an eye on Chris. Or Chris kept an eye on Buck.

Sadly, the lovely lunch surprise had to end sometime. After seriously pouting for a bit, Eddie eventually released Chris from their hug. “Love you, mijo,” he told him quietly. “Have a good afternoon, okay. I’m off early enough so I’ll be the one to pick you up from school today.”

“I know.” Chris pressed a kiss to his cheek and went over to Carla. 

Eddie watched him go with a sigh. Bobby came to stand by his side. “I get exhausted and weeks feel like months, sometimes but… this. This is going by so fast.”

“More than you know.” Bobby elbowed him with a smirk. “I know they get that from school, but… you gotta get ready for _the birds and the bees from dad_ , Diaz.”

Eddie hid behind his hand. “Oh, _no_.” 

Down the stairs, they heard Chris yell “Bye Bucky!”

“Bye kiddo! Love you!” came Buck’s cheerful reply from somewhere below the mezzanine.

“Love you, too!” Eddie found himself smiling fondly. This had become a regular occurrence, of late. It really was no wonder so many people assumed they were Chris’ parents. It seemed to amuse Buck and Chris to no end, so it didn’t bother Eddie. People saw a kid being loved, and that was what family was, Buck had said once. Eddie knew his childhood hadn’t looked quite like that, and he felt grateful for how great the Buckley siblings had grown up to be in spite of it. “See you tonight!” Chris yelled, before he and Carla rounded the corner.

Buck jogged out from below, looking up at Eddie. “You _told_ him?” He spoke the words at regular volume so Eddie read them on his face rather than heard them.

He held up his hands and shook his head. Since they both got off at the same time, they had made half-assed plans to surprise Chris at school and get ice cream somewhere. “Nope.” Chris was a clever bugger. He probably knew at what time Buck finished work today. “I guess he knows us too well.”

This somehow made Buck grin even wider, ruffle his own hair and jog back to wherever he had been.

“What have you done to my brother, hm?” Maddie asked in a teasing tone, leaning against the railing by his side. “Did you propose or something?”

Eddie snorted. It had been a little over a month since… that night. The change in Buck had been noticeable. Nothing drastic, but he was simply… _brighter_ . Like the dark cloud of abandonment issues and loneliness and anxiety had been shooed out of his sky. It showed. And Maddie wasn’t blind. “I just took a page from his book,” Eddie admitted. “Told him how much he means to me. To us. Because if he's too afraid to see it, like you said... I needed to find a way for him to _know_ anyway.”

She smiles at him. “Looks like it worked. I've never seen him like this.”

“Good.” For once, Eddie had set out to do something and had actually achieved the result he’d intended. In his personal life, it registered as depressingly noteworthy.

“So. Are you going to do something about it?”

Eddie blinked at her, abandoning his self deprecating thoughts. “… about what?

“Come on.” She raised an eyebrow. “He might be too blind to see the way you look at him, but I’m not.”

Did she-...? “Maddie, I-...”

“Look. It’s not really my business.” She held up her hands, staying any reply from him. “All I know is, in case this information is relevant to you somehow, my brother cares about you a lot. You and Chris make him _happy_ . And he’s never been more aware of that than since he’s lost you both once.” Happiness. It was a big word. Sure, Eddie had been the one to throw around _love_ to begin with. Yet, somehow, to be told he had a part in someone’s _happiness_ felt… momentous. “So... he’ll never consciously do anything to endanger that.” Maddie met his eyes. “Which includes asking for more.”

  
  


*

* *

*

  
  


The party was boisterous, to no one’s surprise. The real shock was in how many of them had managed to have the evening off. Bobby and Athena’s place was full of people, Eddie could almost feel the -- admittedly completely arbitrary and self imposed -- anticipation in these last moments of the year, thrumming in the air like a physical thing.

He’d gotten absorbed in examining the various bite sized pieces of food he’d looted from the buffet table onto his paper plate. He’d tried to take guesses and tasted them all. And all of a sudden, conversations had faded out from around him and he’d found himself standing alone on the edges of the crowded place.

Right as he was coming to this realization, a backward stumble caused several people to bump into each other. Eddie reacted in time to catch Maddie around the waist and tilt her back into equilibrium. She turned wide, slightly spooked but mostly amused eyes to him. “Very good catch, firefighter Diaz.” She gestured, emphasizing that she held a bottle of Champagne in one hand, and several clean glasses in her other. She would have had difficulties breaking her fall.

“Oh, wow. Crisis averted, indeed.”

“You want one of those? I’m a girl on a mission,” she said, phased no further. “It’s almost that time, and all.”

“Thank you, but no.” He made a face. “I’ve had sangria all night, I don’t think I should mix.”

“Fair enough.”

“Good luck on your mission, Operator Buckley.” She gave him a salute with the bottle and carried on. 

He stood irresolutely for a few seconds. Maybe he should have offered his help? His eyes found Chris, looking sleepy but grinning, entranced by some wild story Albert was telling him and Athena. Reassured, Eddie decided he was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the heat and noise and made his way toward the garden, granting himself a bit of a break. Besides, he had a feeling… He smiled to himself when he found Buck already there, just out of sight of the bay windows. He was loosely cradling a flute of bubbly in his fingers and gazing up at the few stars that could be seen past LA’s light pollution.

His scruff was catching the light and giving a soft halo to his wistful half smile. It was getting to that length where it was probably supple and tickly, rather than scratchy. It was a recent development. Over the Fall, Buck had had one particularly long and lazy weekend at Eddie’s, and he had lapsed in shaving for several days in a row. Both Diaz men had insisted it was a good look on him. Buck had trusted _Christopher_ not to be making fun of him and he’d taken to let his facial hair grow out every once in a while. It made him look older, Eddie thought. And sexier, for sure, considering the increased amount of double takes he got while he consistently obliviously strutted by. The more positive reinforcement the look was getting, the more it seemed to become the default appearance, these days. In private, Chris crowed that ‘his idea’ was becoming reality, and Eddie wasn’t about to start complaining.

“Hey,” he murmured, careful not to startle his friend in case his mind was far away.

Buck lit up. Dragging him off balance and into a side hug. “Eddie! Happy new year!”

Eddie caught himself on Buck and found his footing, squeezing back but huffing all the same. “Not yet, you excitable pup. We’ve still got a little while to go.”

Buck made a noise, and feigned utter childlike disappointment, letting his arms hang sadly, sticking his bottom lip out.

Eddie couldn’t help but shake his head and smile fondly, until Buck gave up the act and grinned back. “How drunk are you?”

Buck shrugged. “Not much. Bit tipsy. I’m playing it up cause it’s fun. And I get away with hugging everybody.” His eyes glinted with mischief. “ _Chim_ let me, even.”

Eddie snickered. “Evan Octopus Buckley.”

Buck gasped dramatically. “Who told you my middle name?! I bet it was Maddie!” He then pretended to stomp back toward the party to have words with his sister.

Eddie caught him around the elbow and held him back. Buck rocked back on his heels easily, grinning. “Hey. Wait a sec. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Buck dropped the act instantly, blinking. He glanced back to the festivities, then again at Eddie. “Now?”

Eddie shrugged. “Might as well.”

“Uh… oh.” A slight crease appeared between Buck’s eyebrows. “Am I in trouble?”

“ _No_ ,” Eddie huffed out, chuckling. “Why do you always assume that?”

“Cause I’ve met me,” Buck said, dismissively. He, then, gave him a squinty side eye. “This is an Eddie 2.0 moment, isn’t it?”

Eddie shifted feet, laughing awkwardly. “You could say that.” 

He felt a myriad of emotions when Buck abruptly looked around and jogged back to the deck, thinking he was _literally_ running away from him. (Already?) But then Buck leaned over to set his glass down safely, then came to stand back in front of Eddie while the latter processed the minor heart attack and cold sweats he had just experienced. “All yours,” Buck chirped, jovial.

Eddie huffed, biting his lips. He looked briefly at his feet before glancing back up. “That’s… kind of where I’m going with this, actually?”

Buck blinked. “What?”

“You… are you really sure you’re sober enough for this?”

“Yes! Yeah, yeah, promise. I’m _confused_. But I’m here. I’m just…” Buck waved his hand at himself. “... living up to the blonde, himbo thing.”

Eddie snorted. “Alright. Maybe I’m spinning this on you with no context, too. So.”

“A bit.” Buck smiled at him. He didn’t even know what Eddie was about to say, and yet he was giving him an encouraging smile.

“I’m… I just wanted to…” Eddie flexed his fists in frustration. “Fuck, I don’t have a lot of practice in this, okay? So if this is a disaster, let’s leave this in the past and start the new year as if it never happened.”

Buck narrowed his eyes. “... go on.”

“You’re supposed to agree to that.”

“Denied.” Buck shook his head. “Come on, Eds. If this is so important, then _trust me_.” He squeezed Eddie’s arm, looking back with an open, defenseless stare. “Whatever it is. We can handle it.” So candid, Evan Buckley. So disarmingly earnest.

“Okay…” Eddie looked down, nodding. Steeling himself. Buck let his hand fall, watching. Eddie inhaled. “ _Okay_ ,” he said. “I love you.”

Buck smiled. It was so simple, yet magical, the happy glow in his eyes, just because he _knew_ that. He believed it. “Heard that before.”

And it made it all really simple, suddenly, to just tell the truth. “I’m in love with you.” Buck’s mouth fell open. “Haven’t heard _that_ one before, have you?” Eddie challenged with a bravado he did not feel. He cleared his throat. “I… I want you to know I... _adore_ how things are right now. With you. With Chris. And… if you don’t feel the same, I desperately hope they don’t change. That I won’t lose you. But… I just wanted to let you know that, if… if you wanted more… then so do I.”

Buck blinked. “Oh.”

Eddie let out a shaky breath. Neither of them was moving. Eddie licked his lips, throat tight and stomach clenched. Suddenly, the odds of him throwing up before midnight felt like they were growing exponentially with every passing second. “Buck?” He swallowed. “Please say something.”

Naturally, as it always was with the two of them, what Buck said next managed completely blindside him. “This isn’t a prank, right?”

“What-... the fuck, Buck?!”

“I know!” Buck exclaimed, eyes wide, hands up. He seemed clearly aware of the absurdity of his knee jerk assumption. “I know. It’s just…” He inhaled sharply. “Since when do I ever get what I want?”

Eddie suddenly found himself searching Buck’s eyes rather than having trouble meeting them. “You… this is something you’d want?”

“Eddie…” Buck said, voice incredibly gentle. “This is a dream come true.”

Eddie’s face felt hot, and his heart did a few back handsprings in his chest.

Buck bit his lower lip, cheeks pink. “As cheesy as that sounds, I, uh… I mean that literally.” He said quietly. “I’ve had dreams about this.” ….. _Holy_ -.... “I am about to find out if they had it right.”

Eddie stared, slightly up, at Buck, completely thrown by this turn of events. His senses hyperfocused on Buck’s fingers, grazing his neck. “Had what right?” he asked, barely audible.

Buck became closer still, the pad of his thumb traced the edge of Eddie’s bottom lip. Their skin brushed then caught together slightly. “The way you feel,” Buck clarified.

“Oh.” Buck’s eyes rose from Eddie’s lips to meet his gaze. There was, despite everything, a question there. Buck was asking for permission, or reassurance that this was, too, what Eddie wanted. There was only one possible response to that. “Good.”

Buck leaned in, and Eddie surged to meet him. Their lips pressed together, feeling like _overdue_ , and _finally_ , and everything obvious and familiar. Eddie loosened the fingers of one hand, which had somehow found itself gripping Buck’s t-shirt, and slid it around to Buck’s side instead. Buck gave a tiny, breathy moan that Eddie felt more than heard, and stepped closer, pressing further into his space. Eddie held him there, quite happy to never let this go. 

He was kissing Buck. Buck was kissing him. As much as he’d had a plan to lay his cards on the table tonight, to lay his hopes bare for Buck, he hadn’t let himself envision anything past his mantra of ‘ _he’s a good man, I won’t lose him over this, no matter what_ ’. Something he had almost managed to make himself believe nearly all the times he’d repeated it to himself. But he hadn’t been able to imagine what would happen. Hadn’t allowed himself any daydreams. His mind hadn’t been able to supply what he thought would be the likely outcome of his confession. This. This was the kind of result he’d have asked for if he’d been at a wishing well.

The kiss broke because Eddie started to smile into it, unable to contain it. It made Buck giggle quietly, thumb tracing Eddie’s cheekbone. “This is real, right? I’m not _actually_ passed out drunk somewhere having a fever dream,” Buck murmured, grinning.

“All real,” Eddie found himself saying, even though he felt as baffled as Buck sounded.

Buck drew a line of feather-light kisses towards Eddie’s ear, then let his hips brush the spot behind. His chin brushed there, in turn, when Buck nuzzled into Eddie’s hair. The scruff didn’t scratch Eddie. But it did _something_ that sparked a full body shudder out of him, that Buck not only felt quite easily, but that he received with a soft hungry growl and a tighter grip on Eddie.

“Awesome.” Buck pulled back and found Eddie’s mouth again briefly, then shifted slightly to wrap him in a genuine hug. Eddie was happy to adjust their embrace, wrapping his hands further around Buck’s body. They stood, eyes closed and cheek to cheek, as Buck swayed them minutely, swiveling back and forth at the hips.“For the record. I’m in love with you too,” he whispered. “With your family.”

It made Eddie’s throat tight for a second, the way Buck had never once compartmentalized Eddie the guy, the friend, the coworker, and Eddie the dad. That he accepted the package deal that was _Eddie and Chris_ because it was fact. Yet, somehow, he had failed to notice, or perhaps just to claim, the way he fit in that picture. “ _Our_ family.”

He said it softly, but Buck jolted nonetheless, pulling back to look at him with wide, hesitant eyes. “You think Chris would be okay with that?”

“Are you kidding?” Eddie gave him a crooked smile. “Did you miss the part where he started calling you papá?”

Buck’s blush went all the way down his neck. Eddie would have to investigate how much further it went, sometime. “I thought that was… you know, our little private joke because people assumed that’s who I am and he found it funny.”

“Sure. But it’s also a wish. And… seriously, Buck. Think about it. It also _is_ who you are. In everything but name, almost. Right?” Eddie said, seriously. He flexed a hand on Buck’s shoulder, aware that this was a lot, and willing to alleviate pressure. “If you… if you want, of course.” Dating someone with a kid was pressure enough. Jumping into the family circle was another level of commitment altogether, Eddie was well aware. But sometimes, especially of late, it felt like they were there already. That they had simply done it out of order. “We-.... _I_ … don’t want to pressure you into anything, okay?” he insisted. Really, how very Eddie would it be to spook a guy in the first minutes of a relationship? Besides, he remembered all too well what it felt like to find yourself being called a _dad_ when you weren’t _at all_ feeling ready for it.

But instead, Buck was nodding sharply. “I want. _God_ , I want, Eddie.” He pawed at Eddie’s chest, at his face, eventually settling on yanking Eddie in a brief embrace. Eddie felt warm all over. _Happy_ . This was what happy felt like. “ _Yes_. Fuck, yes.” Unsurprisingly, his heart tripped all over itself when his brain unhelpfully supplied another kind of question Eddie could ask, that one would hope for such an enthusiastic reply to.

They spent a few moments holding on to each other, gazes locked and matching dazed smiles on their faces. Buck broke the trance, first, running a hand into his messy curls. “Holy shit. I’m shaking.”

“In a good way?”

In the emotion, he squeezed Eddie’s shoulder nearly to the threshold of pain, but it was gently that Buck leaned in to press his lips to Eddie’s cheekbone. “Hell yeah,” he said softly. “The best.”

Eddie had half a mind to pull him in another hug, but their attention got pulled by a swell of noise. Chim poked his head out of the sliding door. “Hey, lovebirds, come back inside! Ball’s gonna drop!”

Buck nodded, heading towards the house. “Ooh… I gotta get in there. There’s someone I’d like to smooch with when the countdown is done.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie smirked. “Who’s the lucky one?”

“This hot dad from work.” 

“Uh huh.” Eddie shook his head, but grinned to himself when their shoulders bumped together. Eddie was oddly aware of the way he kept his hand on Buck as they weaved through the crowd. It felt habitual, because it _was_. But now, his palm on the curve of Buck's side as he walked behind him, felt different, felt like a more potent link. 

It came as no surprise that the direction they had been headed in turned out to be that of the couch. Buck leaned down to pick up a sleepy Chris, who visibly struggled to keep his eyes open. He'd been excited for the party and woken up early this morning, much to Eddie's bleary eyed dismay. "Hey, buddy. It's nearly time."

Despite the fatigue, Chris cheered enthusiastically and held out an arm for Eddie. He had _demanded_ to be woken up for midnight if need be. "Wanna do the countdown together, mijo?"

“Daddy!” Heart swelling, Eddie acknowledged that soon there would be a time when his kid would rather celebrate with people his age, and savored the precious moment for what it was. He pressed funny kisses to Chris’ cheek until he giggled, letting Chris wrap his arm around his neck. Eddie had assumed, for a moment, that Chris had sought to be transferred to his arms, but he seemed happy to be in Buck’s, holding on to them both. Happy to adjust for that, both adults shuffled closer to complete the three way cuddle and navigated the unit back towards the people gathering in for the last moments.

They yelled the countdown along with everyone else. Cheers erupted from some nearby house, a few fireworks were set off too early. Unless _they_ were the ones that were seconds late. Buck and Eddie forwent screaming the last of the countdown in favor of each kissing one of Chris’ cheeks. Then they pulled back and exchanged a kiss of their own.

They met each other’s eyes for a beat of acknowledgement and wonder. This was real now. Spoken out loud and everything.

“Happy new year,” Buck told him.

“It’s certainly off to a great start.”

For a while, it became a dance of turning around, grabbing another friend or relative, yelling well wishes back and forth over the din, exchanging hugs, bumping into someone else and starting all over again. Eventually, with a soft ballad playing in the background, the flurry of activity and noise settled down and the three of them found themselves in the same position they had been in at midnight. Chris had once again reclaimed a spot in Buck’s hold and was close to dozing off entirely. They swayed along with the tempo faintly, more of a standing cuddle than any kind of dance.

Eddie was privately mesmerized by the feeling of Buck’s hand on his waist. There was something intimate about the way it was resting there, thumb stroking gently. There was something meaningful about the way Buck was touching him with the knowledge that he was allowed, that they both wanted him to.

Eddie stood there and watched the party wind down around them, with Chris progressively melting onto Buck, and the man himself absently singing along as he basked in the moment. “... _I want your midnights...But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day…_ ”

They both refocused, amused, when Chris yawned loud and wide. “...pá?”

Buck pinked. He pressed his shy grin into Chris’ curly mop, avoiding Eddie’s knowing, smug look. “Hm?”

“Are you coming home with us tonight?”

Buck glanced at Eddie, who smiled and raised his eyebrows in response. There had to be little doubt in what he wanted. Buck’s eyes softened and he kept looking back when he spoke. “I think I will.”


End file.
